


take it easy on my heart

by regionofstars



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Actor Harry Styles, Canon Compliant, Dunkirk, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, OT4, louis literally can't wait for niall and harry to get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 02:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8126075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionofstars/pseuds/regionofstars
Summary: Niall looks at the letter then, watches the way gold lines shine under sunlight as he lightly, as if everything could disappear from underneath his fingertips in any second, touches carefully written words with his index finger. (Or; Niall and Harry haven't talked in almost nine months, and somewhere between coffees and endless thoughts the silence fades away.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> title from mercy by shawn mendes  
> p.s english isn't my native language, so if your eyes start bleeding along the way, i'm sorry.  
> p.p.s imagine that filming of dunkirk was earlier than in real life so everything that’s related to the movie premiere in the fic takes place during band’s hiatus.

He doesn't know how it happened. Doesn't really know if it was _supposed_ to happen in the first place. Not keeping in touch with his best mate - a person he is in love with - wasn't in his plans for band's hiatus if he's being honest with himself. Supposed, they would meet somehow, watch a movie (hell, he'd even agree to watch whatever Harry wants to), have a lunch together and ask each other about everything they've missed, everything they haven't really tried to know about in each other's new lives. It doesn't work out how he wants it to.   
  
Niall sighs as he finishes watching Olympics, lying on his sofa. His new house in Los Angeles is still half empty, there're no paintings on white walls, not enough plants and shelves where he could put pictures of his family that were taken on Christmas Eve a few years back, or a picture of the boys during one of their final shows of On The Road Again tour, and he really needs to buy some chairs for his new kitchen, because eating mac and cheese on his sofa wasn't the best decision he's ever made.  
  
He thinks about their last performance before band's hiatus, how he felt tears burning his eyes as soon as last notes of _History_ faded away in crowd's screams, how he squeezed his boys so tight that they became one person for a moment, how Harry promisingly whispered that he'll call him as soon as he gets home. He never did. Niall knows Harry's got his own business going on right now in his new life without One Direction, without him, knows about his role in Dunkirk movie, heard how good he is. And Niall loves him so.

He remembers reading a book somewhere between the KP24 Foundation Charity Gala dinner and BMW PGA Championship. He'd found a quote back then that made him think about everything over and over again. _“Don’t I know that a man who wants to hold on to a woman loses her, while women run after the man who smilingly lets them go?"._ Even though it was not about women in his situation, he could not help but think how one phrase could describe his relationship with Harry. All Niall wanted was to stay close to his best friend, a person he was and is in love with, as much as possible. To feel his hands on him, even if it's just Harry hitting his crotch, like he used to while they were touring, to be able to put his head on Harry's shoulder and start humming along the song he hears in his head, while younger lad's hands hold him close to his chest, asking if he wants to do something later. He needs to feel Harry underneath him, gasping for air and shivering under his stubble, while Niall bites every inch of his tanned skin.  
  
And he misses Harry's laugh ringing in his ears, the way he shakes his head while covering his eyes with his palms when someone's joke gets too funny to hold it back, the frown on his face when he's concentrated on unpopular book he's found in that little bookshop down the street. Sometimes Niall hears dying in noises of cars and people's laughs fragments of the song Harry sent him the other day, and he's one click away from texting him, sending _guess what I heard on my way to grocery store !_. It's not like that anymore.

* * *

Morning sunlight carefully lies down at matt black envelope with tiny gold ornament that makes it look a little bit mysterious, like it holds people's secrets hostage, hides pain and suffering mixed with tears of joy and happiness.  
  
Isn't it weird how one letter can change someone's life, he thinks, it's a shame that people don't write them often these days. He's always loved getting them, loved writing and sending letters to his granny, telling her what's on his mind, how much he loves her, his life, and music. Supposes, that's why writing everything down means to him more than to another person. He feels like he can trust paper that easily hides his feelings and thoughts, locks his mind inside itself and never lets anyone else ruin his little personal world with its own heroes and dragons that cannot live without fight. He's used to have his own battles in his head, figured out how to deal with them face to face.  
  
Niall always says he gets stuck inside his own little world too often. It is okay, he thinks, it's always going to be okay when he learned how to fight against this with Niall's help.   
  
"Darling?" Anne calls out for him, entering the living room with a little smile on her lips, sunlight on her hair makes them look lighter; and its colour reminds him of cinnamon rolls he used to eat in early mornings, when Gemma had that period in life when you don't actually understand who you are and what to do, while his only problem was ignoring homework. Funny, he thinks, it feels like the places are switched these days. He doesn't really understand what to do, and Gemma tries her best not to notice her work. The only thing that's still the same is the fact that their mum looks like she came straight from heaven.  
  
"In here," Harry says, quietly. Habitually runs his hand through his hair, thinking about how long it took him to get used to his new haircut. Wasn't really sure how to feel about it, still isn't, if he's honest. Everyone says he looks good, amazingly breathtaking, but something inside him doesn't make him feel so sure about this. About everything. "You think it's a good idea? M’just- Dunno."

  
"I know that you regret not doing some things in your life," he rests his head on her shoulder, while his mum wraps her hand around his waist. She's always been his guiding light when he had no idea what to do. They say people tend to make mistakes, and he's only human. Anne's gentle touch and he feels like yeah, it's gonna be fine. "Everything can be fixed as long as you want it to be."

  
"Love you," He simply answers, enjoying the feeling of mum's knuckles rubbing his back, and the smell of home.  
  
He can't help but think about Niall. Smart, kind, handsome guy has always been the person he's closest to after his mother and sister. His secrets, doubts and thoughts were always shared with him, hidden from everyone under million layers of his care and understanding. Harry could easily knock on Niall's door in the middle of the night, come in and wrap himself in one of blankets to help him to fall asleep, while the other lad grumbled something about feeling cold and wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. And somehow between all these performances, meetings, and naps under the same blanket in new hotel every night he became not only his best friend, a person he can always lean on, he became his home.  
  
He doesn't really know when (how, where) it happened. Doesn't remember falling in love in the first place, feels like it's always been like that: gentle touches in a room full of people making him feel like he's a marshmallow with a fire burning him underneath, inside jokes that no one else could understand even if they tried to, watching sunsets together through the bus windows while everyone else is dead on their feet. Can't imagine his life without this now; supposes, he doesn't really remember his life before all these little things that keep him alive at the day and awake every night. The only thing he knows is feeling incomplete without Niall.

Being with him, next to him has always felt natural, he has no idea who he was before the Irish lad broke into his life and made him believe that he's so high up in the sky that nothing bad can reach him, break his happiness, and let darkness swallow him inside itself. For the last few years he's felt like everything is right, he is full with no holes in his soul. But right now? Right now there's the missing piece he needs to feel like himself again.

* * *

"So ya tellin' me he's got that record deal?" Niall asks on his way to coffee shop. The street isn't busy - a few cars here and there, some girls walking down the road with dogs, and Niall in his tight white T-shirt and denim shorts. Today's weather hasn't made him want to die yet, the sun shines bright up in the sky, and it's hot, but not that kind of hot when all you want to do is hide in your freezer. It could change in any minute though, he supposes, considering it's only 10 in the morning.

  
"I know, I'm about to rip his head off."

  
"You'd rip your own head off a minute later, coz you miss him too much," Niall snorts, enjoying the background noises Freddie makes. He's met this little fellow only once, still can feel his chubby face underneath his fingertips, though.

  
"Arsehole," Louis answers as he tries to distract Freddie from shoving everything he sees into his little mouth. "What I'm saying is he better bring his arse back in the band. We've got plans for future in case any of you forgot this already. Speaking of future, how's your husband doing?"

  
"Fuck off," Niall giggles, trying not to choke on his coffee. Would be a shame if he died because this idiot made him laugh while he was drinking his (very hot, by the way) coffee. Sometimes he thinks he acts like a schoolgirl who just got noticed by her first crush ever. Louis doesn't help this situation at all.

  
"He's even written _Olivia_ for you, Niall. It wasn't that cool to sing a song knowing that it was actually written about your stupid bandmate by your another stupid bandmate. What kind of romcom it is? The least I deserve is you two pulling your heads out of your arses and getting your shit together."

  
"S’just- We haven't really talked in all these months, Tommo. I can't just call him out of nowhere and ask if he wants to have a cup of coffee with me, can I?" Niall runs his hand through his hair, finishing his coffee and getting in the car. He's been in Los Angeles thousands times before but still needs a navigator to get to his new house if he doesn't want to spend an hour trying to find the way he needs.

  
"Why coffee? Ask him to jump straight into your bed. I bet he's more eager to suck your cock than listen to you talking about golf on your coffee date," Louis smirks.

  
"Jesus! I'm hanging up, you eejit," Niall groans before finishing his call and ignoring faded in James Bay's voice Louis' _"don't tell me you haven't thought about it!"_.  
  
Sometimes, he thinks, telling Louis about how Harry makes him feel is the worst decision he's ever made in his entire life. In some situations his teasing gets too much and all Niall can think about is cutting his balls off and shoving them up his throat, but Louis without teasing isn't Louis after all. He gets moral support from him when he needs to, and considering that Louis' life is kind of messed up these days he's pretty good with advices. Niall doesn't know where he would end up without him.

* * *

On Friday night he visits Niall Hardiman's birthday party. Niall gets properly smashed, drinking everything that ends up in his hands with loud _bottoms up!_ somewhere at the background. He regrets nothing - takes pictures with everyone who asks him to, spends a lot of time with birthday boy's arms around his shoulders, his nose pressed to older man's hair, and they laugh a lot, their laughter rings in the room crowded with girls' bodies in tight short dresses and boys with lust shining in their eyes. 

  
The feeling of music in his veins doesn't let him feel tired, makes him not only move but forget about everything that bothers him outside this club - record deals, house that makes him feel a little bit lonely, people not respecting his privacy. And he doesn't think about Harry either. For the first time in almost a year he lets his thoughts slip away from his mind and disappear in crowded room. With his eyes closed he feels good dancing in the middle of the club, likes the feeling of alcohol destroying his liver and mind.   
  
Niall knows that tomorrow's morning (more like as soon as he gets to his bed, let's be real) he'll start thinking about him again. In the pool in Argentina wearing his wet the Rolling Stones t-shirt with his hat on, jumping on stage and singing along Liam's solo in Girl Almighty, sleeping in car on their way to hotel after long day of promo. He'll end up giving his cock a few strokes before he falls asleep. Nothing new, really.

So he tries to enjoy this feeling while it lasts. His gaze flicks over a guy in black shirt and tight blue jeans who is standing next to the bar. He's got massive hands, and for a second Niall wonders how would they feel on his body and in his hair. Smirk on his face when he notices that he's got Niall's attention tells him he doesn't look very bad himself in his stripped shirt with two buttons undone. Alcohol blurs his common sense and makes him walk to the bar, sitting on the stool next to this boy.  
  
"Lookin' fine," his accent is thick. Niall thinks it's because of tequila he's drinking. "Fancy a drink?"

  
"Yep," he shrugs, feeling the blush covering his cheeks. "You're a part of the celebration just like me or sitin' here by yourself?"

  
"Nah, m'just here to look at handsome boys," he winks, and Niall feels like he's on fire. "David."

  
"Niall," he answers. This guy - David - looks really good. He's got sharp cheekbones, stubble that makes him even hotter, his eyes are the mixture of grey and blue with hints or brown around his pupils, and his light brown styled up hair make Niall think that David deserves to be on the cover of the most authoritative magazine.

  
"Niall," he says, tasting a new name on his tongue. "I gotta admit you made my evening better just by being here. Think you can make my night unforgettable, too?"

  
"You're straightforward one, aren't ya?" Niall smirks.

  
"They say you live only once," His hand is suddenly running up his thigh, getting close to his crotch, and Niall likes the way he plays. He's not like that though.

  
"Make me want it," He simply answers, standing up and walking away from the bar. Niall's not looking for getting laid tonight but it feels good to have another boy's eyes on him for the rest of the night.

* * *

Frank Ocean's new album softly blasting through the loudspeakers makes him feel less dead as he tries to nurse his hangover, standing in the kitchen in his white boxers, scratching his tummy with his left hand while he scrolls through his phone with his right one. His head is still hazy from yesterday's party, and Niall feels like a good breakfast could help him with that. He doesn't really want to be an active person today, if he's honest with himself, maybe he could watch a cooking show today or turn sport channel on to have random yesterday's game at the background while he sinks deep in his thoughts. Though, the sound his phone makes in his hand tells him that there's a new message reminding him that he's got plans for later.  
  
_You still coming ? Someone's excited !!_  
  
A little smile appears on Niall's face, showing a dimple on his left cheek, as he fondly shakes his head, typing his answer.  
  
_Yeah .. cant wait t see ya ! I'll be at urs in an hour ._  
  
He gets a bunch of random emojis as his phone lights up with new text again, and Niall feels less hungover already. He decides against cooking, supposes he can have lasagna he's made a few days ago for a breakfast.  
  
Sometimes his breath catches in his throat as he thinks, thinks, and thinks. And all he has in his mind is _harryharryharry_ , and it gets too much. It's too overwhelming to deal with. He'd tried to loose himself in his favourite artists' music as he drove around Los Angeles with his windows fully open. Thought that it'd help him to feel like he can breathe again, but with every lyric he'd heard he thought about him more and more. So he cooks. He's always been a decent cook but these days it helps him to concentrate on something apart from his life. A lump in his throat gets in a way sometimes, and cooked food gets cold and forgotten either next to his brand new kitchen sink if he’s in Los Angeles or simply goes to the fridge. Niall’s past this kind of situations now, he’s learned how to get his emotions under control.

He finds a fresh white t-shirt in his suitcase and a pair of jeans he’s been wearing for 3 days now that he carefully folded before going to sleep and put on the chair he’d brought from the downstairs. Niall loves being organized, having everything on its own place. It makes him feel easier and calmer somehow.

He changes his clothes, picks up his keys and a phone and leaves the house. His mailbox catches his eyes, letting him know he’s got either new letter or bill, which seems pretty weird because he’s paid his bills already, and who the hell still writes letters. The matt black envelope feels nice underneath his fingertips when he gets it out of his mailbox, makes him feel like he’s a kid again, parents aren’t divorced yet and Greg wouldn’t give him his grandparents’ present until Maura tells him to. He shakes his head as he gets in the car, wasting no time to open it. Gold ink on black paper catches Niall’s breath as he studies the handwriting he’d recognize everywhere. He swallows, his palms are sweaty as his gaze flicks over it again and again until it feels like he’s got it memorized forever. They weren’t in touch for what feels like a lifetime, and Niall’s got no idea how could he know his new address, but it’s the last thing he’s concentrating on right now. His heart is beating fast at the thought of being together in the same room again after all these months. And he misses him so.

 

 

 _Niall,_  
_As you might know I’ve got a chance to be a part of a movie and to work with Christopher Nolan. I’d really love you to come to the Dunkirk premiere. 25 th of September. Empire Leicester Square._  
_Yours,_  
_H._

* * *

“Hey, boyo,” Niall coos and kisses Freddie’s forehead as soon as Louis open the front door to him, little boy right in his arms. “You’ve been good here, aren’t ya? Been missin’ you, little pumpkin. M’here now so we gonna have fun.”

“Yeah, hello to you too,” Louis huffs without any attempts to hide his smile. He takes a step back so Niall easily comes in, closing the door behind him. “Alright?”

“Good, still trying to buy some furniture for the house but I honestly see no progress at all, it’s so fucking exhausting.  Are you?” He answers as he drops himself on the sofa, leaving that black already opened envelope on the coffee table.

Louis sits next to him with his son in his arms, getting comfortable against the back of the sofa and curiously looking at the Niall’s invitation. “Good, Briana’s left Freddie to me for couple of days so it’s not like I’ve got plenty of time now.”

Niall looks at the little boy as his dad gets a bottle from the coffee table, fond smile never leaving his face.  He remembers the mixture of confusion and surprise he felt when they’d found out about Louis getting someone pregnant. Couldn’t believe it at first, if he’s honest. But looking at the way it turned out today makes him fell happy for him, for them both.

“You’ve got it too then?” Louis questions as he tries to get a better look at the letter in Niall’s hands and feed his son at the same time. “That boy’s arse over tits for you, lad,” Louis snorts. Niall quirks an eyebrow at it, asking him about the meaning of this with no words leaving his mouth. “You’ve got a love fucking letter where he sincerely _hopes_ that you get at the first flight to London and come at the premiere while all I’ve got was a text saying that I can come _if I want to_. They say that you don’t have to say I love you to say I love you, huh?” Louis laughs at his own words, looking at Freddie playing with fingers on Niall’s left hand, bubbling happily and making these weird baby sounds that are supposed to be words, at least that’s what Louis thinks. Niall looks at the letter then, watches the way gold lines shine under sunlight as he lightly, as if everything could disappear from underneath his fingertips in any second, touches carefully written words with his index finger. Every single line that was derived on paper with gold ink makes something in his chest clench as a little smile appears on his face. It is supposed to be for Harry’s eyes only, everyone in this room knows that, even little Freddie who’s playing with his little toy on his dad’s lap now. He’s not here with him to watch it, though, but Niall knows that wherever Harry is he feels the way this letter made him smile.

His gaze flicks over Louis then – he’s got that fond smile on his face, hands protectively around little body that’s pressed close to him, and Niall can’t help but smile at what he’s seeing at the moment. The older boy’s always been in great relationships with kids, he has a whole lot of sisters after all.  And Niall’s so used to seeing Freddie in Louis’ arms now that sometimes it feels like he’s always been with them.

He lightly shakes his head, still smiling, as he finally breaks the silence between them. “M’sure that’s a line from the song you’ve heard or somethin’, it was on the radio the other day.”

Louis huffs. “That’s not the most important thing here, Nialler. You’re going, aren’t you?”

He sighs then, rubs palms against his thighs, feeling anxious out of the blue. Not knowing what’s coming makes him think a little bit more before he finally breaks the silence. “Yeah- Yes, I’m going.”

* * *

The first thing he does as soon as he lands in Heathrow airport is losing his bag. It’s not really a big deal, considering it had nothing important in there, but he still gets moody and tweets to the British Airways. Louis texts him _looser hah!!_ and _go get your boy horan_ after. Niall simply tells him to fuck off.  

On his way all he can think about is Harry, even though it’s been like this for a few years today it is too much. He gets to see him _tomorrow_. Being face to face with him sounds unreal after almost a year of not being next to each other. Yes, they have been in the same city during hiatus, texted a few times here and there, but nothing can compare to being side by side for five years, holding each other close and sharing each other’s everything.

When he gets out of taxi, pays and opens his front door he’s met with calming silence and coolness. Niall takes a deep breath and goes straight to his wardrobe to get his clothes ready for tomorrow’s night. Usually he would turn TV on, take hot shower and then drop himself on the sofa with snacks in his right hand and a remote in his left one. It would be in any other day when he is not nervous and worried about meeting his best friend after a long break. Today is not one of these days. His glance lands on his Tom Ford suit he’s worn about 2 times. Harry’s always complimented his looks, telling him how handsome he is, and Niall knows that nothing’s changed, but he still carefully decides on simple black suit as he gets it out of the wardrobe and hangs in his bedroom.

He tries to find something to do to get his mind concentrated on something else, spends his time cooking for two hours, cleans his room with Gavin James blasting through the loudspeakers, chats with Bobby a little bit. It has helped for a little bit, made him feel calm. And if he couldn’t fall asleep till the middle of the night then it’s his own business no one should know about.

* * *

His short hair he is still getting used to is a mess. He’s run his hand through it a thousand times already and the red carpet hasn’t stared yet. The nervousness is everywhere from the air to his bones that make his legs shaky. He hasn’t gotten an answer or a simple text from Niall but he knows that he’s in London, Louis told him that. If he’s honest, it wouldn’t happen in the first place without him. Yeah, he was planning to invite him but Louis made sure he actually did it. Hell, he gave him Niall’s new address so he could send the letter.

Harry checks his phone to see if he has gotten any new messages when he hears it. A little cough behind his back to get his attention. He feels light touch on the small of his back and Harry turns around on his heels as he meets with nervous eyes.

“Niall,” he happily sighs, the weight of the world falling from his shoulders as the older boy blinks at him and it feels like they haven’t left each other in the first place. “Hi.”

He lets himself to take a moment to appreciate the way Niall looks, how good his outfit suits him, makes him look so hot and serious, and Harry’s got a lump in his throat. He looks well-rested, no more tired eyes he used to have during promo seasons when they barely had time to sleep, his hair is almost fully brown, and Harry needs to know if it is still as soft as it was almost a year ago. Niall, as if he reads his mind, tilts head with a little smile on his face and habitually closes his eyes. “You look good, so good, Ni,” Harry mumbles as he tries to say something. “Thank you for coming, it means a lot.”

“Wouldn’t miss it, y’know, even though I found out about the filming months earlier than you decided to tell me about it.”

“Niall-“

“It’s okay, isn’t it? Doesn’t really matter anymore,” he shrugs, locking his gaze on Harry’s haircut for a moment before letting it drop and meet Harry’s eyes. “You look god, Haz. Happy. That is the most important thing here, right? You finding yourself in acting, being a part of the movie premiere. Never thought that would happen, though,” he takes a breath and shakes his head before continuing. “But s’okay, I suppose. S’good you are moving on from the band, being stuck on something isn’t a good thing. Just- Just if you’re going to let us go, just let us know, yeah? So we would not waste our time on something that isn’t going to happen, get our hopes high.”

Harry sees it then, notices some mixture of disappoint and pride, sadness and happiness in his eyes, and he cannot help but take a step forward. He has no idea how this is going to turn out when he questions. “Being stuck on you. Is it a good thing?”

Their eyes meet again when Niall answers. “Don’t know. Is it?”

Harry smiles, his hand caressing Niall’s cheek now. Someone calls out his name, tells him to get ready because the event starts soon, but he doesn’t pay any attention as he speaks.

“It is, yeah. Has always been a good thing for me for what feels like my whole life. Helped me a lot, you did, without even realizing it, and I’m thankful for it. So thankful, Ni, you have no idea. You’re the one who held me in my darkest hours and was proud of me in my happiest ones, made me feel confident with being who I am when everyone else sees me in different ways. I love you so much to be able to forget you even if I try to, and I want you to know that with everything I won’t let this go.”

“Harry-“

“What I’m saying that I want to take your hand in mine right now and to hold you close to me. But firstly, I need to ask you. Is it a good thing after all?”

Niall takes Harry’s hand in his then, fondly smiles at the boy and lightly shakes his head, feeling like he is glowing. He tugs the younger boy close to him and rests his chin on his shoulder, feeling Harry’s hands on his waist, hides smile in the crook of his neck as he says, nipping at the skin.

“It sure as hell is.”

(If they have spent time, kissing each other during little breaks they had managed to find for each other, ignoring Louis’ texts and people’s whispering about them, no one needs to know.)

(Louis knows, though. It was expected, he says.)


End file.
